This is kind of old news and I wasn’t sure it was worth mentioning, but Dina and Michael Lohan have reached an agreement on their divorce settlement. Us reports:

Though the terms of the agreement were not disclosed, state Supreme Court Justice Robert A. Ross reportedly told the Lohans, ?You have both demonstrated to me extraordinarily good judgment in resolving this matter as you did.? Despite today’s events, the Lohans will be in family court on Sept. 6 to determine a custody and visitation agreement for their underage children, 13-year-old Aliana and 11-year-old Dakota.

Granted, Michael Lohan has been in jail for the past two years on DUI and assault charges, the custody battle will be a tough call for any judge. How does one choose between Dina Lohan and an ex-con? During the trial Dina will refer to the younger children as ?Lindsay Jr.? and ?Mommy?s Little Coke-mule? while Michael drunkenly fights his own chair. The judge will draw a smiley face on his gavel and award it custody of the children. People in the courtroom will applaud. Even the Lohan?s attorneys will cheer and proclaim this to be the greatest judgment in the history of law. A small, wooden hammer instead of our own clients, they?ll say. How do you beat that?

I’m sure somebody somewhere is interested in shots of Michelle Rodriguez in her bikini, I just sort of assumed they were too busy sitting alone in their bedroom hitting their balls with a hammer and sobbing. Although honestly she doesn’t even look that terrible here. It probably helps that I was expecting her entire body to be covered in hair. You know, like Big Foot, but with an uglier face.

Her movie career isn’t going so great, but insiders say Lindsay Lohan is set to revive her music career and is letting Universal Music execs know she’s ready to do the third album she owes them. Rush & Molloy report:

Lindsay is certainly less of a gamble as a singer. “A record by Lindsay Lohan costs almost nothing to make,” says one exec. “She doesn’t need a big band. You just give her some songs and session musicians. And, God knows, she already has name recognition.” But lately, relations between Mottola and Lohan are said to have cooled. (He didn’t return our calls.) And others at Universal Music are approaching her cautiously. “As much as she wants to make another album,” says one insider, “the feeling is she needs to get herself cleaned up. Then we can talk about it.”

She had two albums? Really? I knew she had one out there, but did anybody know she had a second? And now they’re giving her a third? I should sue the music industry for being giant ass clowns. When the judge asks me to present my case I’ll show them this story as Exhibit A. Then everybody will gasp, the judge will award me millions of dollars (because I deserve it) and then the mayor will give me the key to the city. Based on my extensive research watching TV, that’s usually how court cases go.