Keira Knightley shared some pearls of wisdom during an interview with UK’s Radio Times.

On looking good
“Somebody goes, ‘Gosh, you’re pretty.’ Thanks. I’ve got good genes! OK, I’m on the cover of a magazine but somebody else does the hair, and the makeup, and airbrushes the fuck out of me ? it’s not me, it’s something other people have created.”

On being rich and famous
“It frightens me when kids go, ‘I want to be famous.’ Why? Because you can get into a restaurant? You know what? If you book [a table], you can get into a restaurant! ‘I want to be rich and famous.’ Go and work on the stock market.”

On suing Britain’s Daily Mail for suggesting she had an eating disorder
“You couldn’t say anything more horrendous. So yes, I did take a hard line, and I would take that line again.”

So Keira Knightley’s advice for people who want to be rich and famous is to go into the stock market. Brilliant brilliant stuff. I mean, Hollywood, stock market, they’re basically the same thing. It’s like telling somebody who dreams of being an astronaut to get a job at Costco. Because, you know, they sell telescopes. Same thing!

This isn’t terribly exciting news, but if you’re wondering what Lindsay Lohan has been up to at the Cirque Lodge rehab center in Utah apparently she stays busy by hiking, bicycling, and whitewater-rafting. On August 16 she went for a 90-minute bike ride around Orem, and the next day she went rafting on the Provo River dressed in a pirate bandanna. Additionally, she was seen shopping at an Abercrombie and Fitch store and at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory where she picked up $70 worth of chocolates.

When she was at Promises she went roller blading and bicycling and ended up relapsing just 11 days after leaving. According to my doctor (or plumber, I forget), exercise is the leading cause of drug addiction and death in the nation. Which is why I sit on the couch and watch TV all day instead. That guy really knows what he’s talking about.

Due to sheer grossness, I shouldn’t even be covering this, but People is reporting that John Mayer and Cameron Diaz are becoming a serious item:

The pair, who were first spotted out together in the city last week, were ?all over each other? and ?super flirty? at the Bowery Hotel Friday night. Asked if the newly-close pair are dating, a source close to Mayer tells People, ?Yes, it’s definitely true.?

When two ugly people get together, does anyone really care? You have John Mayer, the bridge troll of modern pop. Then there?s Cameron Diaz, who I?ll assume fell asleep under a steam-roller because I don?t know how else to explain her face. It?s like watching a hunchback make-out with a pancake wearing lipstick. But without the chance that Aunt Jemima will make it a sexy, syrupy three-way. Damn. I just made breakfast totally hot. Kind of makes you want to get it on with your coffee, doesn?t it? But don?t! It’ll burn - like sex with Cameron Diaz. Zing! Did you see what I just did there? That’s cohesion, son. Feel free to call me the Jesus of words.

Wow, whoever her make-up artist is deserves at least five Oscars and the Congressional Medal of Honor because here’s Cameron looking uncharacteristically good on the set of What Happens in Vegas. A ton more after the jump.

Kevin Federline is actually capable of working. He landed a role on the CW?s One Tree Hill. According to TMZ:

Our source said that while Fed-Ex was extremely excited to star on the show, he would only agree to filming if his shooting schedule coincided with his custody arrangements. We’re told that he made it quite clear that if shooting interfered with seeing his kids, he would not be available.

Don?t you think that?s laying it on a little thick? The shooting schedule could require his kids to be locked in a cage with a python for 24 hours and it would still be an improvement on their current situation. At this stage in the game, Kevin could take his kids with him on weekend trips to Vegas, pump them full of Cuban cigars and use them as poker chips. People will look at him with tears in their eyes and say, “Bless you, Kevin Federline, you delivered these children from the depths of crazy. Now put Jayden on black.”